Curiosa, Wild Child, and Miz ColdFeet strike again
I must introduce a new femme fatale to the cast and crew of Kommissarie Curiosa. Miz ColdFeet, a 20-something fashion design student from London, is blessing the capital of Scandinavia with her lovely presence for the next three months while doing a placement with a Swedish fashion designer. After reading this blog, I think she's a little terrified that all the Swedish men she meets will all be terrified of her.
Wild Child escaped Norrland and spent a few days camping out at Casa Curiosa. Turns out, Wild Child still "has it." In fact, she still has more of it than I've ever had.
We had a girlz' night out, showing Miz ColdFeet the southside of Stockholm. We spent the first part of the evening sipping our pear ciders and trying to explain how "mating and dating" works in Sweden. But Miz ColdFeet has one advantage over her Swedish sisters in that she can play up the exotic factor.
So for the evening, Wild Child was from California (she's got a perfect American accent when she wants to), I was only temporarily in Sweden, and Miz X starred as herself. Miz ColdFeet was the only one of the three of us who didn't have to employ some kind of deviousness in order to hide her true identity.
Wild Child broke the ice. She approached a big group of lads who had just been to a hockey match. "So, do you guys mind if we join you?" she politely interrupted.
Of course they didn't.
Miz ColdFeet and I proceeded to interrogate two of the boys on "dating in Sweden."
"So who would make the first move?"
"So why are Swedish guys so shy?"
"How do relationships happen here in Sweden? (No, I'm not talking about sex here. I KNOW how that happens. I learned about the birds and the bees when I was ten)."
"Would you ever buy a girl a drink as a way to meet her?"
"Who pays if you go on a date?"
By the end of our own version of 20 questions, I think the poor boys were feeling a bit bedraggled. But they did confirm some of our initial hypotheses, "If you girls were Swedish and came over here to sit with us, I'd assume you just wanted sex. But since you're foreigners, I don't know."
If only they knew.
Meanwhile, Wild Child was busy speaking (almost) perfect English with Sven Svensson. I cringed when I heard her say, "And then there is a Christmas tree down in our trappgång.."
I leaned over and whispered, "Wild Child! American exchange students DO NOT say trappgång!"
Ooops, but I don't think Sven caught on anyway.
Then the boys made the mistake of thinking that Swedish was a secret language. Okay, this was not ENTIRELY their fault. (After grilling him, I "innnocently" asked one of them to give me a Swedish lesson. Blink blink.) They didn't say anything too revealing such as was the case during this incident, but still, we knew exactly what they were saying even though they thought they were safe.
"So man, looks like we've got a mission tonight!"
Sven II leans across the table and whispers something (in Swedish) to the guy I'm talking to.
"You don't need to whisper. These girls don't know what we're saying."
Curiosa snickers and winks at Wild Child.
Then I crossed the line, but just couldn't help myself. "So what would you do if I just broke out into fluent Swedish?" I asked him.
"I guess that's a chance I'll have to take."
Curiosa snickers to herself. Again.
Time for a trip to the ladies' room to give Miz ColdFeet a report on what I had just overheard, and how evil I'd been.
Wild Child then heads out for a smoke break, and engages in a conversation with the bouncer. He informed her that he was wearing black, lacy stay-up thigh highs, and a woman's thong because it made his job "much more interesting."
"When the bouncer tells me about his fetish for women's underwear, I think it's time to call it a night."
So we take our leave, and leave Sven I, II, and III a little confused. Mission aborted.
Sometimes it's so much fun being evil.