Fuck fuck fuck

I'm beginning to feel like the sad girl on the subway looked. I am holding back the tears, although I'm not sure if they are the result of worry, disappointment, or hurt. I keep checking my email to see if there is a message, although I don't really want to get one, because that will most likely mean it's not going to happen.

I'm being intentionally cryptic, but suffice it to say I've had plans for a couple of weeks that fell through last night. Stuff happens, it's disappointing, but no big deal.

So the "plans" were postponed until today. And then today...nothing. Not an sms, not a phone call, not an email, just the recording "Abonnemanget du söker kan inte nås för tillfälligt." The phone is either broken, turned off, or out of range. Something is either seriously wrong with transportation/communication, or the person in question is behaving in an uncharacteristic manner. There may very well be a logical explanation, but I'm not so sure I want to hear it anymore.

I waver between anger and anxiety.

This is frustrating because there is absolutely nothing I can do but wait.

I am suspending judgement until I get all the facts, but I refuse to put myself in this kind of situation, fraught with uncertainty, on a repeated basis. Not again.