Monday, November 14, 2005

Dear Potential Suitors (on various Swedish internet dating sites),

You can go ahead and write to me, but please don't expect an answer if any of the following applies:

a) you are old enough to be my father
b) you have children the same age as me (closely related to a)
c) you write to me in a language I don't understand, which includes Spanish, Italian, and Chinese. Acceptable choices include English and Swedish, sometimes French (depending on whether I'm wearing my beret or not) and German (but only when I'm drunk, and even then I can't promise that I'll be able to converse about anything other than weinerschnitzel). If you write to me in Estonian, I will probably be impressed, but once again, my comprehension is limited to discussions about beer (õlu).
d) you haven't posted a picture of yourself on your profile OR
e) you have posted a picture of yourself wearing nothing but overalls and a pitchfork OR
f) you call yourself swedishcowboy4u and you have posted a picture of yourself wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and boots [there are plenty of cowboys where I come from, and trust me, cowboys do not always make better lovers]

and finally:
g) if you declare your never-ending love and desire for me and proclaim that today is the day we shall start a "marvellous and butiful" (spelling mistakes copied ver batim) relationship [this one is just going to get you flagged as a scary, scary stalker-type]


F. Curiosa

P.S. I am not alone in my quest to educate. Om ni vill ha flera tips om nätdejting på svenska, kan jag föreslå Fröken J's råd, som man kan hitta här.


Anonymous Ichimusai said...

I am a guy, but I still have a rule. If the first question that comes to me is "ASL?" then ignore the idiot on the other side.

This is especially true on chats such as IRC but does apply at other places to. In online communitys it is most often the really scary people who send you a mail in private just out of the blue without leaving a note in your guestbook or something like that. From my experience they are looking for someone who likes kinky sex.

And the ASL people are just rude w*nkers. Sorry. It just had to be said.

8:27 PM  
Blogger Curiosa said...

Someone sent me such a message on Skype the other day. To "ASL?" I replied, "Who are you?"

The following dialogue ensued: "Fine, thanks, and you?"

"Not how are you, WHO are you?"

"Fuck you."

Needless to say, I was very impressed.

9:21 PM  

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