Dear Potential Suitors (on various Swedish internet dating sites),
a) you are old enough to be my father
b) you have children the same age as me (closely related to a)
c) you write to me in a language I don't understand, which includes Spanish, Italian, and Chinese. Acceptable choices include English and Swedish, sometimes French (depending on whether I'm wearing my beret or not) and German (but only when I'm drunk, and even then I can't promise that I'll be able to converse about anything other than weinerschnitzel). If you write to me in Estonian, I will probably be impressed, but once again, my comprehension is limited to discussions about beer (õlu).
d) you haven't posted a picture of yourself on your profile OR
e) you have posted a picture of yourself wearing nothing but overalls and a pitchfork OR
f) you call yourself swedishcowboy4u and you have posted a picture of yourself wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and boots [there are plenty of cowboys where I come from, and trust me, cowboys do not always make better lovers]
g) if you declare your never-ending love and desire for me and proclaim that today is the day we shall start a "marvellous and butiful" (spelling mistakes copied ver batim) relationship [this one is just going to get you flagged as a scary, scary stalker-type]
P.S. I am not alone in my quest to educate. Om ni vill ha flera tips om nätdejting på svenska, kan jag föreslå Fröken J's råd, som man kan hitta här.